I never want to see another naked old woman again.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Randomize
