I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You made out with two different species that night
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
