1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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