if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
