I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
