There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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