i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
