It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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