If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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