All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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