Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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