I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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