just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
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