I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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