i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
