I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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