dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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