tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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