I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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