i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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