Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize