I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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