High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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