my phone needs a breathalizer
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
