Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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