apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
