I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
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