i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
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