I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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