cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
