i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
