If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
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