if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
