He asked to "fluff my boner.."
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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