Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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