my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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