I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
