Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
