Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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