Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize