dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I still have a little drunk in my system
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize