Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
