I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
