he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
