im drinking this country out of the recession.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
