i jhust puked up my retainher.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
