Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
