He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I am naked and annoyed.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
