i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
