we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
