Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
