What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
