Only a mothe r could love this liver
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
