Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize