Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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