I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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