actually, I'm a sock model
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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