Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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