Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
