Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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