So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
