forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
