Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
