Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
