You can't motorboat a personality
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
