from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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