she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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