So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
