some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize