the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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