Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
