I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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