i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
