were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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