I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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