WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
